Wednesday, 2 August 2017

I am GROOT


Remember the catchphrase that EYEHATEGOD popularised in the early 90's? It said "amps speak louder than words". The thing is that I just found out about this fairly young band a few hours ago and it is boner-inducing! Hit play, crank up the volume and experience the RIFFtual!



Saturday, 22 July 2017

Rocket up your...!



BENELUX was famous for its hardcore punk scene in the first decade of the 2000's (at least that is when I got into the bands that were in this scene) and last thursday at Devilstone 2017 I witnessed an outstanding performance by a Belgian band of hooligans that totally stole the show and were the highlight of the whole festival for me. I'm pretty sure that they also stole most of the front row women's hearts as the drummer got onto the stage wearing nothing but a transparent raincoat and boots. Classy fucker, he even made me scream "Show us your dick!" during the breaks between the songs, no homo! 

Raketkanon are a bastard son of mother sludge and father European hardcore. They possess gnarly tones, hypnotic riffs, extreme low end, Dillingerian style vocals, strange atmospheres, killer attitude and rhythm control that is far beyond phenomenal. I just can't get enough of these guys and I've been listening to them for nearly a week straight now, so it's not just a phase MOM! They have released two full length records so far - RKTKN#1 and RKTKN#2. I personally prefer the production on the first record but they're both great, give them a spin and judge for yourself.


Thursday, 20 July 2017

Tunes by my hometown bands worth your attention and money


Riga - the city of contrasts. Where old meets new, ugly meets beautiful and West meets East. Very seldom I mention my own countrymen and their music simply because most of it is utter garbage and I'm actually a bit ashamed when someone labels Saturn's Husk "metal" and as a result puts us into the same bucket with other edge-lord crap. Don't get me wrong I do appreciate what the veteran bands of Latvian metal scene did back in the day, it is just that I don't care for the most of the new stuff that keeps getting released here and just doesn't fall into the category of "quality music" by my book. Stop pretending that you like something only because the trendy kid next door seems to like it or some oldfag tells you that you should appreciate this or that band because of what they did at the turn of the century. If they sound like shit live and on record I don't care how many fans they have and under which worldwide label they're signed. Bottom line is, if they suck, they suck. Rise above, dig what you dig, support the local acts you care about, educate the young and spread the word!


Kristofera Sapnis

An avant-garde adventure from a defunct band featuring Saturn's Husk drummer. Kristofera Sapnis is a band that almost nobody knows of. Here is the link to the whole experience -  http://www.kristoferasapnis.lv/ENG/index.html (click on the bunny first and then click on the gramophone to hear the music)





NEKAD - Klusumā

Crusty punk hardcore from our hometown. Artwork by the one and only, the provocative Kristiāns Brekte.





Eschatos - The Grand Noir

Satan & female vocals. Artwork by Jānis Burmeisters of Rīgas Tinte and Tesa.





Anna Kijevā - Māsa

My recent discovery. I have no idea how this band flew under my radar for so long.





The Pink Elephant

Beautiful and psychedelic. The only analogy I can think of is Cigale.




Soundarcade - Moving the Great Hadron

Soundarcade is probably one of the best things that happened in the scene and is one of the very few experimental bands that keep expanding their sound and keep pushing their songwriting skills with each release. The way they layer the sound is insane.



Tesa - G H O S T

Besides being genuinely nice guys, Tesa are a post/sludge powerhouse from Riga. Their album G H O S T is probably the best offering to the genre that comes from the Baltics since the fall of the Soviet union. I will add that one of their accomplishments was touring Europe by supporting the great band Neurosis last summer. Enough said!






I would also like to mention Ģirts Laumanis aka "Lomiks", the founder of Hodila Records as he is probably one of the very few people that keep quality music and underground culture alive in our country.

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Honey, I'm totally into Whores!


The heading of this post is probably the most abnormal way to tell your significant other that you enjoy a particular band. Also don't forget to pay these whores, the sounds they make will make you harder than a pedophile in a preschool! OH, THE PUNS! THE PUNS EVERYWHERE! Long live prostitution!


Tuesday, 18 July 2017

I finally caught Neurosis live


In the previous post I mentioned that in the beginning of this month I together with my wife-to-be finally caught the great band Neurosis live at Kraken in Stockholm. I spent around 780 euros total on the whole trip but it was totally worth it and I don't regret a dime. Neurosis need no introduction as they have been in the scene for 30 full years and have inspired a whole culture of people. They are one of the best bands out there both on the record and live in my peasant opinion. Their live show was unforgettable and probably the best one I have ever attended. The dynamic range of the sound was just dick-tickling - it was mellow and soothing at times and at times it was so punishing that it was borderline unbearable (in a good way). Their stage presence was unparalleled with anything I've seen before and I've been to a couple of shows. During the "At The End of The Road" I looked around and I saw Dave running around the stage simultaneously playing his bass, Scott spitting and sweating like a motherfucker while he was forcefully bashing the riffs out of his guitar, Steve doing some weird feedbacks by spinning and holding his guitar in the mid-air, Noah fiercely pushing and pulling his synth rig and Jason drumming away hypnotically, his drumsticks looked nearly like butterfly wings in this lighting. The whole experience was very surreal, it resonated with me on a primitive level and I remember that during this exact moment I thought to myself: "This is madness. This is why they called themselves Neurosis."


Monday, 17 July 2017

Engineering, EM and DOOM



At the beginning of the month I went on a trip to Stockholm to see the mighty Neurosis and Author & Punisher was opening up for them. The opening act got on my radar a couple of times before but it never seized my attention because it was too "industrial" for my taste. Until...until I saw A&P live. It turns out that it is a one man live band, aaand it gets even better - the dude's apparently an engineer and he builds all of his instruments himself. Well, big deal you might add, because there are a lot of multi-instrumentalists who create their own guitars, basses, drums, etc., but there is a great "but" here. Tristan (the man behind this extra-ordinary project) builds unique sound controllers that resemble heavy-duty industrial machinery much rather than traditional music instruments. His stage persona reminded me of a cyborg straight out from a sci-fi movie as he masterfully operated these so called instruments that he himself calls the drone machines. I would say that this interaction between the man and these considerable implements brought a certain amount of eroticism and sincerity to the performance and was not cheesy or homosexual in any way. His show was accompanied by some of the most intense visuals I've seen and soundwise it all reminded me of a NIN and SUNN O))) hybrid. Give it a shot, it is totally worth it!




Here's an interesting interview with Tristan Shone about his craft.





Tuesday, 11 July 2017

The criminally underrated


I've come to a conclusion that music unlike any other legitimate art-form has a life of its own, especially in this wonderful age of technology that we're living in. Once you release your work into the masses there is very little you can do to contain it or help it spread, so eventually it will either expand like a plague or will land somewhere in the vast oblivion of "I have never heard of it". Nevertheless keeping an eye out will reward you with a few gems here and there in the never-ending torrent of feculence. Here are some of the most criminally underrated albums that gave me some of the hardest metal boners to this date.


Leechmilk - Starvation of Locusts

289 people like this on Zuckerberg's bookface. Become the number 290.




Buried At Sea - Ghost

Most of us who are in the "artistic metal" scene (this should be totally made into a thing) have heard the Migration but have never heard of Ghost. It is a nearly 30 minute long buildup for that one final riff at 28:55 that will send immense chills down your spine and leave you wanting for more.



Suma - Ashes

I've been returning to this record numerous times since I first discovered it last year and it seems that I've been listening to it profusely for these last couple of weeks. If it is too slow and too heavy for you, you are probably too young!






Shora - Malval

"Post" has become somewhat of an insult in the last couple of years and I do agree with that to some extent because most of the things this genre has to offer sounds kinda same-same. However dial this one in and listen to the tones and the drumming. 




Cattle press - Showered In The Love Of The Abhorer

9 minutes of insanity and dirt pushed forcefully down your throat. Skip to the last track if you cannot endure the first two.


Monday, 26 June 2017

"The sea had jeeringly kept his finite body up, but drowned the infinite of his soul." Chapter 93, pg. 349


Last Thursday night we, Saturn's Husk, released our second album. Give it a spin or two and spread it if you like it!

Wednesday, 21 June 2017

Minus the throat - Pure riff worship, zero bullshit


Imagine this - you find that one record that looks promising, you put it on and everything falls into its rightful place. It all starts with a weeping feedback from walls of overdriven amps and stacked distortion and fuzz effects. The bass growls like a motherfucker, the guitar roars louder than on that last record you spun for months on end, the drums beat the living shit out of you every time you hear the snare drum hit, and you can literally feel the bassdrum  kick your wrinkly asshole. The riffs start flowing and you start tapping your foot along, then you start headbanging, but just a little because you have this gut feeling that something is not feeling right. And then the glorious fucker comes in, the showstopper, the bedshitter, the one person you will grow to hate the most because he took what was perfect and ruined it by opening his mouth - the "VOCALIST". At this exact  moment an uncontrollable urge to punch someone in the throat and finish him off with a few kicks in the taint appears. What a huge fucking disappointment! This is the sole bloody reason why I play in an instrumental band.

Major Kong - Galactic Cannibalism

Saturn's Husk had a chance to share the same stage with these guys in an underground metal fest in Lithuania. Kong is amazing both live and on record. They are all about zero bullshit and maximum riffage. At times upbeat, but you'll grow to love them.




Locust Whip

This one's a teaser. The two piece from Ohio whose official release I've been waiting for more than three years. Release the album already! 

Tuesday, 13 June 2017

Oxymoron: 3 deathcore albums that don't suck.


Recently I received probably one of the tallest orders from one of my frequent readers. I don't know if he's a fan of the blog or not but either way challenge accepted!

To cut the story short he asked me if I think it is possible to find decent music within a seemingly shitty genre. This immediately led me think of dubstep and Russian pop music, but as I'm as inexperienced in this kind of music as a prom queen at giving head, I realised I could make a "research" of some of the "edgelord subgenres" in our own little world of metal. By "research" I simply mean browsing Internet resources and listening (read trying to listen) to music I would otherwise avoid more than the nopest mother of Australian nopes. So deathcore - born in the glorious age of Myspace when a band by the ridiculous name of Job For A Cowboy became a quickly growing Internet phenomena for its bree-brees, breakdowns, no sense of musical composition whatsoever and, I guess, a much more understandable concept of an extreme music for the wide masses?! To be honest, I've no idea how it got as big as it is today. I just remember a period of time when I jumped on the trend-bandwagon as well and listened to them and a few other acts for a while in my life. Needless to say it just didn't resonate all that good with me and I left the exploration of the genre for a much more listenable and honest music. In fact Job For A Cowboy themselves realised that they have created a monster that got out of hand and soon after their first release, ditched the genre and converted from a gay metal boy band into a straight and quite decent death metal act of grown men. Don't get me wrong, I don't preach the one TRVE metal subgenre, I'm just being snobbish and mean.

First stop bandcamp, browse by tags, deathcore, here we go! 
...HOLY VIRGIN'S SHIT-CUNT it's even worse than I remember it being and it has it all:
  • generic riffs
  • generic tones (probably amp emulation)
  • autotuned br00tal vocals
  • overproduction
  • breakdowns upon breakdowns
Long story short, listening to 99.99% of the stuff on bandcamp tagged as deathcore made me feel similar to this:



It seemed like deathcore and some other closely related metal subgenres had become sort of a mainstream fashion for the alternate broskies similar to what happened during the nu-metal boom of the late 1990's and the early 2000's. Surprisingly enough there ARE some things that are quite listenable and even good.

3. The Acacia Strain - Wormwood

This album has its moments - the tones are not too generic, it is not overproduced and it even tries to build a decent dark atmosphere on a couple of songs. The guys that write the music do not over complicate things and simply do the things that work within the genre. It has the grooves yet it lacks the substance. Needless to say the release got boring fairly quick because the songs fail at building into anything, they just keep on mindlessly plodding for most of the time.





2. See You Next Tuesday - Intervals

This stuff is interesting for sure and it has the production I dig! I did not expect to find non-polished music to be honest but here it is - 30 minutes of awe inspiring madness of a deathcore album done right! Filthy, menacing, experimental. Besides the slower riffs are kind of sludgy. Most importantly the release itself is not too long to get boring. I would definitely see them live and would even consider buying their t-shirt...too bad the other releases were pure and utter crap.


1. The Red Chord - Clients

I think these guys are wrongly accused of being deathcore. I've been listening to them since around 2007 and I must say that they have aged pretty darn well for me. They blend grind, death metal, metalcore, mathcore and rock...uhm, let's just say that they make pretty rad music using pretty rad riffs and killer tones to back it up. They also seem like fun guys and don't take themselves too seriously. I mean how many frontmen in metal do you know that randomly scream out the word "penis" during their live performances? Check out this track and the "He was dead when I got there". 

 



SUMMARY: Deathcore is a genre that has 2 decent acts in it. 
NOTE: Edgelords remember, I'm not the final authority, so don't be too butthurt.

Thursday, 8 June 2017

Dealing with depression


This post will most probably just be a bulleted list of things I found out throughout the years of dealing with a moderate to severe depression that work. It seems that the old friend is back (woo fucking hoo), I have to revise the plan of action and I hope that this might help someone else besides me reading this and dealing with the same issues. Remember, I'm not a licensed clinician, so there is probably very little to zero research backing my list of recommendations up. If you disagree with something, fuck off! I've bled under the weight of it and I could give zero fucks about some fancy research by a posh med-school graduate. Here's the list itself in no particular order:
  • Have a plan: Plan out the activities for the day or the entire week, stick to it. Even if it feels like nothing makes sense and there is no point of doing the things you've planned out. In other words, keep yourself busy.
  • Do a lot of physical activities: This just works, I usually feel happy after the physical exertion. Don't go balls out because usually you will feel weaker than usual, don't cut your veins if you miss a weight or your results have worsened. Care less, move more.
  • Have sex as frequently as possible: I could have sex 24/7 on my "normal" days but during the periods of depression my sex drive just goes down the shitter. Take my advice and make love to your partner or wank off if you don't have one. Even though you don't feel like it at first - it will feel better after a couple of minutes into the action, trust me.
  • Fucking hug someone from time to time: It feels awkward when a dude wants to hug someone for no reason, but you have to do it. This will help the close ones to understand that you haven't become a distant asshole. 
  • Channel depression into art: Bad emotions and not having emotions equals great and dark art! This does not make any sense, right? How can you create something when you feel empty inside? Well, try it. I've had the best ideas and written some of my best riffs and songs when I had seemingly nothing inside. Once you find that nothing it becomes pants-down awesome!
  • Leave your issues to yourself and don't deal with other people's bullshit: Unlike the popular opinion that you have to communicate with people as much as you can and not withdraw from society in order to heal, I would suggest you to take the time off from the people. I don't know about you but the whole two-way communication and involvement into stuff that I don't really care about drains me and at some point I have to "recharge my long-dead batteries". That said, stay in your head for a while, it is not as scary as it seems at first. Also stop caring about other people's issues, they are their issues for a reason. THEIR ISSUES means that THEY have to deal with them. Just as you have the responsibility to not burden anyone with your depression and fucked up view on the world around you during that period, they have the responsibility to keep their shit to themselves.

Wednesday, 31 May 2017

Premature election frenzy


I have been dormant for a while now because I simply had nothing to write about. Today...well, today something brilliant happened and my kinky muse returned to me!

Let me fill you in with a little background here so that you better understand the situation, the tiny details don't matter, trust me. You see, we have municipality election coming up this Saturday in Riga and the pre-election marasmus was more or less under control until this very day. On this glorious morning things just got way out of hand and ridiculous beyond belief. Either the current mayor of our capital himself or his PR people posted a video of a supposedly "Danish band" singing an ode to Nil Ushakov on the timeline of his public facebook profile. Without further ado here is the masterpiece itself. Enjoy it, and don't forget to grab your popcorn and a beer, because the shit is breathtaking, genius, fabulous and fantastic, not to mention that the musicianship is revolutionary! Peace the fuck out.


Sunday, 16 April 2017

Finally enjoying good music on vinyl / unexpected find



Last week my lovely soon to be wife gave me an unexpected present - a freaking turntable! Words cannot describe how much happiness I felt in the moment when I first ran it. It could be compared to sensations a teenage boy has when he sees girl's breasts for the first time and he is allowed to touch them - warm, welcoming, delightful, mmmm...where was I?! Oh yeah right, I had a few classic records on vinyl laying around the house but I never had a chance to listen to them up until now, and even though I've heard Electric Wizard's "Come My Fanatics" and Acid Bath's "When The Kite String Pops" more times than I've masturbated in my adolescence, I must say that I rediscovered these albums that evening. They seemed to be sounding the same but something was different, maybe the mix, I don't know. It sounded heavy but at the same time it had this laidback-ness to it. Everything seemed smoother and the digital versions in comparison sound way harsher to my ear (before you give me shit - yes, even FLAC). Then again it could be just the wine that we had with my fiancée shortly before the listening session talking. Long story short, now I can spend even more money each month on music by buying vinyl and paying for shipping. Needless to say that was exactly what I did the next morning - I ordered a copy of Indian's "The Unquiet Sky" from the Seventh Rule and considering the shipping for that one vinyl alone was 20+ euros I decided to scan through other records they had available at their store. That was the moment I discovered Stoneburner. Besides sounding ball-pounding and being highly recommended to the fans of Buried At Sea, they also possessed the deal of the century... Freaking 22 bucks for a vinyl, t-shirt and a digital copy of the album! A fucking no brainer here - pick up your own copy and browse though the record company's bandcamp page, they've got some quality stuff on their roster.

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Timmy "the Untamed Feedback" Burch


Busy week? No time searching for music? No time listening to LPs, EPs or even demos? Fear no more and look no further because uncle Regnar has just the right thing you need! Today it's gonna be only 3 singles. 3 singles containing absolutely insane amounts of feedback, fuzz, grit and balls! Also one of the songs technically is an excerpt track from a split but who gives a shit about that anyways?! 



Sixes - A Cross To Burn

First off is a band I knew absolutely nothing about until this very morning when I got an invitation to be "friends" on facebook from one of its members. Little did I know about the dude except for the fact that he apparently played drums by the pictures he had posted on the web. So I put on my Holmes hat and did a small Internet "research" on the guy. Turns out he plays in a band called Sixes  and it doesn't suck. This single has all that a growing sludge fan needs: slow riffs - check, sandy growling bass - check, claustrophobic drums - check,  feedback - check, filthy vocals reminiscent of Charlie Fell - check. I swear to gods that every time I hear the part where the vocals guy screams "A Cross To Burn" on this song I immediately think of a part from Lord Mantis's song Body Choke where Fell goes: "Your Body Chokes". That song probably had some influence here. All in all a very solid track, can't wait to hear more. Cheers if you're reading this!







Tesa - Lauztās Priedes

New Tesa. Personally I felt that instead of achieving grooves using riffs as they usually would do, they tried achieving it by using drums on this single. Guitars on contrary were used mainly to create this big, ambient and monolithic wall of sound, feedback and reverb. And what a kick-ass groovy drum-roll at the end of the track - very impressive!




Primitive Man - Unable

Primitive Man is one of those bands whom I would really like to like as I'm very intrigued by the whole appeal of the band and their music as well as the tones and the noises they pull off, yet I never really got into them properly. That said they do have some pretty rad songs in their repertoire and this one is the most distinctive of them in my opinion. It also happens to be my personal favourite alongside Loathe. When it comes to their sound then P/M takes it a step forward and pushes the sludge boundary from dirty to absolutely disgusting. Have a nice listen I guess?!

Monday, 13 March 2017

With reptiles and rhythm they charm their audiences



Just a quick update guys: In case you didn't know In The Company Of Serpents released their new album Ain-Soph Aur last Friday and it sounds ball-crushing. Both the band and Dave Otero did a splendid work on this release. I've been spinning the record non-stop for the whole weekend and this whole Monday morning straight - haven't gotten cream-crackered of it yet! What makes it stand out from their other works is the westerney or southern (I just can't make up my mind here) vibe that dominates throughout the whole record. Don't think twice here and just BUY IT!

Friday, 24 February 2017

South is where the heart is.



My love for the southern steel started when I was in my middle-teens, I had a friend named Tagir, rest in power buddy, I really miss your jokes! ...the dude was really into some awesome stuff back then while I was mostly listening to some shit that I wouldn't even pass as music nowadays (of course there were a few exceptions to the rule, but it was mostly utter crap). I remember there was a birthday party we were celebrating at the studio where Tagir and his band-mates were having rehearsals. What was I doing there? Well, fooling around predominantly. I was a useless piece of shit back then just like the majority of teens. Tagir played his guitar and our fat common friend blasted the drums. We drank vodka, ate raw mushroom-mayo sandwitches, had a great time and at one point Tagir put on Pantera's I'm Broken on his very old and worn out guitar combo amp. It was at this exact moment when I fell in love with Mr. Phillip H. Anselmo's music. Later on in my life I discovered Down, Crowbar, Housecore Records, EYEHATEGOD and many more. I consider Phil being one of the most influential people in today's worldwide metal scene, both in the underground and in the mainstream. Today, to prove that NOLA's spirit keeps on thriving on every single continent,  I give you 3 southern groove metal albums from around the globe. 

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

Anchoring yourself: 5 core values I hold in high regard / 2 records I spun far too often recently



Before I start off by arrogantly listing my five core values and making myself better than you, I would like to make a short disclaimer that I'm not trying to life-coach anyone. I simply wanted to put these values down on paper to have the ability to look back at them once in a while, if my life would ever require me to do so. Everyone must have their anchor and here's mine:
  1. Don't be stupid - remember that herd's combined stupidity level is way higher than each individual's personal stupidity. Don't be afraid to swim in the opposite direction but don't just be that one motherfucker that is always swimming against the current no matter what. 
  2. Be strong(-er) - Be strong physically, emotionally and strive to constantly getting stronger. Be a man who has his brother's back and the shoulder for your female friends to cry on. Stop whining and crying yourself because half of the people you're crying or whining to don't give a shit about you, the other half is happy to see you down. Retaliate if needed and never let anything unsettled. Don't show yourself and your nearest ones as weak but share your weakness with your loved ones and your friends because this action in turn will show them your strength in understanding that you're not invulnerable.
  3. Defend your perimeter - Got this one from a book "The Way of Men" by Jack Donovan. If you haven't read it yet, then I urge you to pick it up and read it. So, where was I? Yes, stand your ground, defend your loved ones and the ones that are within the perimeter. Divide people into "us" and "they". Don't be all inclusive like a child, not everyone you meet in your life is a "friend". Many languages have words like "family", "friend", "companion", "acquaintance", "enemy" for a reason - use it. Don't "correct" anyone from your perimeter in public, do it in private. Don't let anyone in before they have proven that they are worthy of standing next to you. Don't let your guard down just as they're inside the perimeter, give yourself time until you can really trust a person. 
  4. Be a man of action not words - Do more, speak less. Be punctual and do as you've said you'll do, keep your promises by all means. Fuck...actually let's be honest here, throwing sand into some fucker's face when they've said that you wouldn't do something and then seeing their face once you do that something is priceless! It is even more pleasing than sticking a dick into a vagina. Speaking of vaginas - don't have one. Be more of a man and less of a woman. Gain respect and let your reputation speak for you - if somebody hates you, you're doing at least something right. Reach out to gain approval from men from within your group rather than women. Most of the women I know (not all of them) think on different wave lengths than men and quite frankly the majority of them don't make any fucking sense for the greatest part of the time anyway.
  5. Constantly progress - in other words, try being less of a piece of shit you were yesterday. Pick a goal, strive for it, reach it, repeat!


Below you'll find two records I've spun far too often during the last couple of months. Both of them are very sludge, much wow. Enjoy!

BOG - S/T





Conan - Revengeance







Thursday, 2 February 2017

5 misconceptions about powerlifters


We're all fat and lazy motherfuckers.


No we're not, we're just in the high energy conservation mode. 



We take too much time in between sets because of our shitty GPP*.


Whenever you see a powerlifter at the gym sitting and relaxing before the next set think about this, he is not just relaxing, he is waiting. Waiting for his eyesight to return to normal after his previous set. Once the sight is back he'll  be ready to squat again! This phenomenon usually lasts up to 3 minutes. Now, if the dude is squatting in full gear then add another 2 minutes for him to wrap his knees, and if you've ever put on knee wraps yourself then you know the struggle. It wears you out even more than the squats themselves, and besides walking up to the rack looking like a doof, the only thing you can think about while squatting is the glorious moment when you'll finally be able to take those medieval torture devices off your knee joints.


We don't do cardio.


Partially true, most of us tend to do sport specific conditioning - grocery carries, sofa deadlifts and toilet squats.


We don't give a shit about nutrition.


Completely false, we do put a great emphasis on essentially eating only whole foods. My absolute favourites are a whole chicken or a whole pizza.


We neglect mobility.


We don't! In fact my staple everyday mobility routine contains things like the TV remote fetch-stretches (to release that irritating stiffness in your upper hamstrings and lower back) and the cock'n'ball pull-aparts (to help you get into that bottom position of the squat without any pain or discomfort).




* General physical preparedness

Tuesday, 24 January 2017

"It must be very depressing listening to metal all the time" / 10 pop tracks that give me boners




If I would get a dollar every time I heard the phrase - "It must be very depressing listening to metal all the time, do you listen to any type of 'REAL' music?", I would be pretty much the same man but with a few more bucks up my pocket. Yes, I'm a metalhead. Yes, I'm tattooed. Yes, little kids and elderly people tend to get scared of me. No, I'm not depressed. No, I'm not suicidal. No, I'm not evil. No, I don't sacrifice newborn babies to Satan. In fact I'm a very nice person once you get to know me, and I do listen to other types of music besides metal, even pop, now and then.

Listed below are 10 pop tracks that gave me music boners.


Björk - Hidden Place


Björk is weird but also creative, I dig her art.




Frank Sinatra - New York, New York


This one is a classic. Sinatra along with Santa Claus from the Coca-Cola commercials has become almost a synonym for my annual Yule celebrations.




Nine Inch Nails - Closer


This is pants-down one of the best songs to have sex to. Put the video on your wide-screen, tell your partner to get on her knees and elbows, stick her ass up, fuck her from the behind while you're both watching the amazing video this song has.





Jefferson Airplane - Somebody To Love


Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas motherfucker!





Portishead - Roads


What?! Trip hop isn't pop?! Do I look like I give two shits?! This one is really good, especially the live version.



Robbie Williams - The Road To Mandalay


Just a simple yet a very nice song from an ex boyband member.




The Animals - The House Of Rising Sun


The track got pretty popular once again around 2008 when the TV show Sons of Anarchy was aired along with its interpretation of the original song as a part of the soundtrack. Although I dig most of The White Buffalo's songs I do prefer the original version over the cover.




David Bowie - Space Oddity 


It sucked big time when I heard that the legend died last year. Rest in power Mr. Bowie, you'll be missed!


Here's a transcript of a space transmission between an astronaut and a control centre that is presented as a song. Genius!




Action Bronson - Easy Rider


One of my favourite rappers of the new age. Action Bronson doesn't limit his lyrics to just hoes, rims, grills, moolah and drugs. Mark my words, when they'll be talking about rap in the near future, he will be remembered just as Eminem once was. 





Fatboy Slim - Weapon Of Choice


DANCING CHRISTOPHER MOTHERFUCKING WALKEN, PERIOD!


Thursday, 19 January 2017

Any solid death metal releases lately?



I've never been a keen fan of death metal. I guess the whole "I CUM BLOOD ALL OVER YOUR AMPUTATED APPENDAGES WHILST MASTURBATING WITH A BARB WIRE" appeal and the crystal-clear production never did quite resonate with me, and to be honest most of the times I found it being plain silly. That said I did enjoy a few death metal bands here and there when I was a youngster. I remember Six Feet Under's Shadow Of The Reaper being the gateway song into the genre while Nile and Malamor were my absolute favourite bands within the genre. I still sometimes get back to the Dead to the World by Malamor and get shivers down my spine.

I think it would be fair to say that death metal scene has been very shy to music snobs around the world and only occasionally something noteworthy gets dragged into sunlight. The music this scene offers is mostly garbage so I started looking for records at the borders with other other metal genres a long time ago. There are a few bands that are in this sweetspot between death metal, black metal, sludge and doom, and that is exactly where I'm searching for death metal records most of the time now. The benchmark for the sound I'm looking for is probably Portal's Vexovoid as they have weaved its fabric from the very fibres of nightmares and it just makes my earginas squirt harder than Bonnie Rotten on cocaine while being dp-ed. I know many of you will say that it's not true death metal but I don't care - it is by my book.

By the way the mesmerising and ominous artwork I used in the title of the article is done by Justin Bartlett. Check him out.



ALTARAGE - Nihl


Found this gem thanks to the mighty Jim Wendler and quite frankly it acted as an inspiration for this blog post. These Spaniards have their similarities with Portal, but they just have a little less substance and a little more riffage going on. Verdict: SUPERB. Let Jim speak for me on this one, check Jim's post here.



Dragged Into Sunlight - Hatred For Mankind


Although Widowmaker is amongst my most beloved metal records of all time, putting this one here made more sense. Being rawer and less atmospheric than Widowmaker and the N.V. this record possesses a sonic madness that is truly hard to describe or comprehend fully but it keeps growing on me more and more with each listen. 





Kosmokrator - To The Svmmit


The layers of sound seem to cover you like some kind of massive, thick and sticky muck. I must say that the band has achieved a similar atmosphere that Portal have built in their album Vexovoid. These guys definitely can hold my attention throughout the whole record. They use buildup of tension and release masterfully. Besides the slower riffs sound absolutely massive. An amazing album.



Friday, 13 January 2017

STOP! Demo time!


Ever since I first heard Electric Wizard and EYEHATEGOD I was hooked onto dirty production and I have never looked back since. If there is one thing that turns me on when it comes to metal - it is the dirt. The sound should be overwhelming and disgusting, and the more disgusting the better. Leave your nice production at the door, step into the dungeon, hear the bass growl through a wall of muffled clipping  fuzz, feel the claustrophobic dry hit of the snare drum, bone rattling hit of the 30 inch bass drum, heavier than led guitar tones and rough screams of front men and women of non-commercial metal. Welcome to the underground, where demos are kept in high regard and low in price. Remember, when you buy a demo you are "voting" for a band you like, never give your hard-earned money away to artists that you don't give a shit about. Keep your local and worldwide scene alive: buy merch, attend shows, buy records, stop downloading music for free - nobody owes you shit, stop spending your money on luxury items you don't need and support the scene motherfucker, give back at least a small part that you get from the community! 



Traumhaus - Her Body in Ashes (Demo)

Dreamhouse (English for Traumhaus - I hope I got this right) is a raw droning avant-garde black metal project from Philly. It is as depressing as it is beautiful. Vocals are kept deep in the mix, drums are not limited to just blast beats and everything is topped with an eerie droning layer which reminds me a bit of Menace Ruine. Splendid. 





The Hyle - Demo

Proper doom from our Danish brethren. Haunting clean vocals, occult themes, warm fuzzy tones, laid back solos, minimalistic dry drums and cool prodution. Can't recommend this enough for all the doomsters worldwide.





Fraud - Juice

Awesome and groovy plus the artwork is excellent (by the look of it, I at first thought this was a grindcore record to be honest). This single has been on repeat for too many times, and partially it is because it is too damn short! I demand MORE!





Bethmoora - Demo

Dark, filthy and pummelling sludge in the vein of Buried at Sea and Conan.
WARNING: A mandatory shower or two  is required after listening to this record!